New Year Resolution - Lose Weight

Time for a New Year Resolution to Lose Weight? Wouldn’t it be great to start this one month of the year off to shave a few pounds? Can you just imagine how glories you would be the rest of the year with that thin new body?

How quickly you forget the last 2 months.  Oh dear, here we go again…

photo credit: showbizsuperstar

What on god’s green earth is giving you that insanely, stupid, fat-headed foolish idea that once you lose 3 pounds you won’t go back to your fatheaded ways just like your last month of debauchary?

Going on a diet for a three-week New Year’s Resolution is just a way of tricking yourself into temporarily feeling all positive about your broken self-esteem.

WAKE UP!  Losing weight is NOT THAT HARD.

Just get your bum off the sofa for two minutes, go for a walk outside, even if it’s just to get the paper, and relish that 2 minutes of exercise you just had.  Turns out it’s not all that bad.  If you just did that same thing for 15 more minutes every day you’d actually start to lose weight year round.

Whoaaaa-Baaaaby.

That’s right. You heard the breakthrough scientific discovery here first. Get rid of your stupid diet and start walking. Ok, eating right is important, but it’s more like skipping the Snickers and then going for the walk.  Come on junior, it’s not that hard.

I wish there was a legal place to bet you…

See you next year when you search the same New Year’s Resolution while your still a fathead that hasn’t walked anywhere yet. Honestly, I hope I’m wrong (but I’d still make the bet).

Deceiving Your Metabolism

Ever tried to trick your metabolism?

I just heard recently about an “absolute must” for anyone into the latest technological advances in the weight-loss, metabolism boosting, and try-anything world of shedding some pounds.

Are you ready for this?  I really am not.  This one pains me.  Its even hard to type this one out to tell you the truth.  Fine, here we go…

photo credit: Andres Rueda

It turns out there is now some sort of pregnancy hormone shot that you can take that will keep your metabolism through the roof.  What does that mean? 

It means you can go on that wonderful starvation diet that you’ve dreamed of trying.  Seriously, it might work.  Actually, I wouldn’t even be mad, or post your picture on the site if you tried it.  At least you’d be doing something.

Ok, I lied.  Stop being a stupid-donut-eating-french-fried Fat Head! 

Now I’m angry.  I need to go for a walk.  And by the way, you probably need to too.

Obama McCain Health

The world is slipping when Obama McCain health talks make into onto the loseweightstupid blog.  How can these guys seriously be talking about billions of dollars for health care?  All they really need is a couple hundred bucks and my plan…

It’s a simple, three step plan, intended to please Democrats and Republicans alike.  The whites, blacks, hispanics, and other minority interest groups will really be able to sink their teeth into this one.  Here we go.

photo credit: David Boyle

Step 1: Give The People What They Want

Start a TV station that plays nothing but swimsuit competitions, cheerleading contents, and women’s exercise programs.  The increase in testosterone levels by themselves will serve a two-fold purpose.  First, the presence of increased testosterone levels gives muscle mass boosts, which as you may or may not know burns fat.  Second, the sex revolution caused by this plan will get people to move around.  I know, don’t sweat it, I didn’t call it exercise.

The best part of this step is that the TV station will not only be cheap to start up, it will pay for itself almost instantaneously when males around the globe are glued to it.  Just think of all the ad revenue pouring in.

Step 2 - Give The Health Care Plan They Need

Have local newspaper delivery boys all over the country throw one penny on each persons driveway.  Again, a two-fold intense reaction that will get the nation moving towards good health.  First off, we got those lazy, Wii playing kids off their sore butts to ride a bike and throw pennies.  So we’re hitting up the future generations (nice).  Second, all you lazy-ass bastards that barely move to go to the bathroom have one common trait - you’re cheap misers.  That’s right, Americans will be rushing the streets to find their lousy pennies.  Movement!  This means less heart attacks, less health care costs, and less heavy breathing in an elevator for having to step in, because people everywhere will actually move.

Step 3: Give the Life Back

Ok, it’s getting ridiculous.  Just approve the additional $500 billion and dispurse it all Americans.  We know your all fatheads so we might as well live the fathead lives you love with some cash in hand.

Don’t be a stupid fathead…

Get Drunk and Lose Weight at the Same Time

Did you know beer and wine are loaded with calories?  So if you want to go drink yourself into oblivion then you just loaded up on the pounds.

So just like your mom told you, drink responsibly.

photo credit: nyki_m

What Should You Drink

It turns out that most rum has 0 calories.  No kidding.  Bacadi has absolutely no calories, at all.  That means if you order 15 Bacardi and diet Cokes you will get all the alcohol your heart desires so that you successfully dance with random people at the end of the night.

Why It’s Great News

If you went out and got all loaded on Bacardi and diet then danced the night away you just accomplished two (kind of three) goals.

1. You drank 0 calories all night
2. You actually moved around while dancing and burned off calories
3. You probably vomited at the end of the night so you actually lost calories on the night

So go out, have a good time, and drink responsibly…

Copyright ©2008 Lose Weight Stupid

Lose Weight By Helping Someone Move

Help your neighbor move and lose weight at the same time. There are a million ways to shave a few pounds off that involve moving around just a little bit more.

Seriously, did you know that you can trim upwards of 600 calories from helping a buddy for just a few hours moving their crap? And the good news is that you have plenty of room for a couple of (light) beers after all the hard work to reward yourself.

I hate the word exercise. Don’t use it, don’t think about it, and don’t ever say it to me. Just think about doing a little more service for yourself and your neighbors. Get out more and you’ll start feeling the difference immediately.

Lose Weight Faster, Get Up

Losing Weight Has Never Been Easier

Losing weight fast has never been easier, if only you would stop acting so stupid.  There are so many people out there that just think the weight loss will automatically start happening by sitting around on your butt.  Well, listen up.  It won’t.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

photo credit: TheeErin

This guy is just sitting down being a fathead.  He’s got a cigarette in his hand and he has no intention of getting up and it’s obviously a beautiful day out. 

Get up!  Walk around!  It’s not that hard to get minimal exercise.

What’s OK With That Picture?

Alright, this guy is outside.  That’s incredible.  So he did manage to get to the park.  He found the motivation to get off the couch.  Nice work.  Of course, he probably rode one of those people movers from his front door across the street.

How This Guy (and You) Can Lose Weight Faster

Get up.  It turns out that moving around burns calories.  Walk around the park.  It does not take much.  All you need to do is walk around the park a few times, even if it is with the cigarette. Minimal effort on a daily basis can shave 10 pounds off this guy’s waist in no time.  You can have the same thrilling conversation this guy is having, just doing it while losing a couple of pounds.